I Miss the Man I Thought He Was…

I thought he loved me. He was kind and caring in the way any woman would want her guy to be…almost perfect… but there was something…just a little something flying under the radar, something indistinguishable yet it buggered me. It didn’t seen quite right; not sure what it was that made me uncomfortable. So, I ignored it.

Over time, I became accustomed to feeling the “little something” odd, “can’t exactly articulate it” thingy that was banging on the side of my brain yelling, “Wake up, Stupid! This is a warning! Are you listening to me?” I honestly thought it was me being my paranoid self, so I ignored the warning time and time again. His actions and sweet, soothing words washed over the warning and I forgot it as it faded into the background of our lives much the same way ocean waves wash away castles in the sand.

Now I know what a skunk he really is. The warnings were real. My inner-self knew what he was about. But he was so pretty and sweet as Christmas candy, and I needed that attention soooo much!

I allowed myself to believe he was a “good” man. I let myself be taken by the con man’s charm and sweetness. And I loved that man…no, I loved the man I thought he was. Damn! I sure do miss that guy.