Humorous & Absurd Take on My Very Nasty Divorce. Life Only Gets Better!
Patty O's Articles
December 24, 2003 by Patty O
Christmas Eve in Pulaski, Virginia

I’ve been here in Dublin, Virginia, since Monday (12/22/03). My friends there worry I will be sad or grieve for love lost, but hell, it was lost five years ago…I just didn’t know it. As for sadness, it’s not here at all. The sadness I’ve experienced was during the time he and I were together. Now it’s gone replaced with the peace of knowing I’m fine, really content with the unknown tomorrows I meet every day of my life. I awake to a new morning, feeling...
December 6, 2003 by Patty O
In my old age, I find myself “appreciated,” I think, by a younger man. It’s nothing of any consequence, but I’m flattered and a bit confused in my aged brain. A month or more ago, he called me gorgeous. Yes, he said gorgeous…to me, the old gal with the white hair and a few years on her frame. I thought it was just a display of kindness to “a woman of a certain age.” Is this guy a jerk? But again, I don’t know… I don’t know anything and this kind of stuff is so foreign to me now.

But ther...
December 6, 2003 by Patty O
December 6, 2003

City of Richmond Courts

J & D Operates in1960 Mode

It’s shameful! Nowhere have I seen the “good ole boy” system functioning so well…oh, yes! It’s alive and well in the City of Richmond J & D Courts. As the Court sees it, I am not worthy of the same protection under law as my husband.

Yesterday, for the second time, I was not granted a permanent protective order. If I am in fear for my life as the law requires a petitioner to be, why would legal long-term p...
November 30, 2003 by Patty O
Things My Children Haven’t Done…Boy, Have They Missed a Lot!

1. In the middle of a warm summer night chased the dozen baby pigs the size of footballs that escaped from the pigpen. Piglets are hard to catch…not fur, no neck, no handles.
2. Swung across a rock strewn ravine on a grapevine deep in the Applachian mountains of Virginia. My hillbilly cousins thought it fun to scare their flatland cousin (me) to death.
3. Slept on Grandma’s feather bed under handmade quilts…Sun Bonnet Sue fashion...
November 30, 2003 by Patty O
Nov. 30,2003

Sitting on the living room sofa, the hint of a sweet odor filled the air. There she was again, the invisible entity who woke me from troubled sleep, who made herself known when I felt sad, who seemed to be close to me when times were difficult, strange or confusing.

She…and I know my entity is she, was with me in the early days of courtship with my beloved CC. It was early spring, too cool yet to open the windows and I was asleep. Not just asleep, I was dead to the world. ...
November 28, 2003 by Patty O
Things for Which I am Thankful

1. My husband is no longer in my house. A big old “Thank you, Jesus!” is in order.
2. I have 4 days off after 3 months of continuous work.
3. I don’t have to wake up at 5AM. I can sleep until 8AM or later if I want!
4. My cholesterol is down 35 points.
5. I can walk 3 miles in less than an hour.
6. I will be divorced for sure in 5 more months. Friends, you be chillin’ that bottle of champagne!
7. My “get away” house in the mountains & I’m going there very...
November 25, 2003 by Patty O
I Miss the Man I Thought He Was…

I thought he loved me. He was kind and caring in the way any woman would want her guy to be…almost perfect… but there was something…just a little something flying under the radar, something indistinguishable yet it buggered me. It didn’t seen quite right; not sure what it was that made me uncomfortable. So, I ignored it.

Over time, I became accustomed to feeling the “little something” odd, “can’t exactly articulate it” thingy that was banging on the sid...
November 25, 2003 by Patty O
Communication 101

For a number of weeks the group had become familiar, even chummy sharing personal stories applied to the course projects. The class clown/smart ass was standing again in front of his peers to deliver a message recommending an action that would inspire us all to accept whatever it was he chose to share with us. He was a funny guy, cocky and confident, young and attractive.

So, there he was, all six foot something of him, looking every bit the fresh, irreverent, all-America...
November 25, 2003 by Patty O
My Next Top 10 List of Fat Men

1. Ben Franklin, author of Poor Richard’s Almanac
2. Jackie Gleason who said, “Pow! To the Moon…”
3. Barry White, the Deep Voice, “Baby!”
4. My 2nd Husband, the redheaded, redneck stranger I loved for a year and a half.
5. Meatloaf, who sang “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”
6. Winston Churchill, British Prime Minister who fought the “Black Dog.”
7. Teddy Roosevelt, the American President who was a “force of nature” according to his wife.
8. Marlon Bran...
November 21, 2003 by Patty O
Sitting Up With the Dead

Dear Bubba,

How you doing in the hoosegow? Good I hope! Well, last Saturday I was down to the Looking Good Beauty Salon on Main Street getting my hair curled. As usual, Emma had a shop full of customers. We were all lamenting the early demise of dear ol’ Uncle Grady. He surely will be missed! After all he was a good Christian although he came late to the congregation and shortly after he gave up the moonshining business. He died a natural death, old age I rec...
November 21, 2003 by Patty O
November 20, 2003

A friend told me this week his wife wanted a divorce. She said she didn’t want to be married to an old, fat man. I thought you’d be interested to know my view regarding “Old Fat Men” as I’ve always had a soft spot for these fellas!

My Top 10 List of Old Fat Men!

1. Santa, the guy everyone loves, because he has all the goodies!

2. Henry VIII, King of England, Defender of the Faith and THE great lover of women! Well, kinda.

3. Henry Kissinger, the diplomat & f...
November 19, 2003 by Patty O
November 20, 2003

Dear Bubba,

It’s been a while since I wrote you last, being busy and all. Poor ol’ Ima Jean is preparing for her wedding day. I’m so happy, Bubba! She chose me of all people in this world to be her maid of honor…well, at my age, maybe I’m her matron of honor… or crone of honor…hell, I don’t know. But she asked me to stand up with her on the wedding day so I’m going to do it.

Now, there was talk about her wearing a tiara, but don’t you think that will look kinda…wel...
November 19, 2003 by Patty O
November 18, 2003

He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer!

He hated being ignored and he knew she couldn’t respond. He loved it! If she initiated one contact with him, she would violate the bogus protective order and that would put her in front of the judge again. Games! The master of lies and deceit was playing it for all he was worth.

For the eighth time in less than 2 months, here it was…another "gift." No, not one gift, but two gifts, books of Southern writers. Ironic that aft...
November 16, 2003 by Patty O
November 16, 2003

I ought to be in bed at 2AM, but I just don’t want to sleep. There’s stuff in my head…aggravating stuff generated by Mr. Passive-Aggressive. He just creates situations, stirs the pot, then backs off and watches the drama play-out. Oh, he’s interesting all right! The sick bastard!

At the end of every day I drive past my house taking a quick glance at the porch and the mailbox. My stomach hurts. If the porch holds no boxes delivered by FedEx or UPS, my breath escapes my l...
November 16, 2003 by Patty O
November 13, 2003

I feel like I’m living in a Hitchcock film…it appears nobody believes me. I’m not crazy most of the time. Just a lot pissed off. He lied to me about his adulterous relationship and I punched him in the mouth. I confess; I did it! No point in lying. I hit him a glancing blow in the mouth. Didn’t draw a drop of blood, didn’t break the skin and no telltale bruise was left on those lying lips. And he had the gall to have me arrested for assault after he knocked me down, toss...