Oct 17, 2003

OK! So, my husband has lost his mind entirely. Oh, yes, he has just lost it!

It can only be said "I love my wife and I want to come home," was about the weirdest thing I'd heard since we parted company. My attorney relayed the message to me from my husband. I don't get it, don't care. It ain't happening.

So, I arrived home Tuesday to find a huge cardboard box delivered by UPS on my front porch. God, it was a heavy mother! I struggled to lift it into the house and dropped it in the living room floor. It was from HIM! Addressed to me, and the return address crossed through...so stupid! As if I wanted to send the bastard anything...arrrrggggggghhhhhh!

Curiosity got the best of me so I picked up a steak knife to cut the tape. I lifted the flaps, looked in side and there were towels and sheets, linens! Damned linens from our marriage, in this box. I screamed, "What the fuck! What the hell is this mess! What does this mean! Oh, hell, this is as nuts as he has ever been!" I closed the box and pushed it to the kitchen. It may be symbolic to him to go to the trouble to pack up the linens, HIS linens, pay to have the box delivered to me in hopes it may have some influence on me, some how, some way, what the hell does he think I'll make of this, and I'll tell you straight up...I don't get it! But I'll not turn down the linens. No, sir! I'm going to wash those babies and put them to good use. Hey! I'm a practical woman!

So, I'm a little dumbfounded by the linens and thought it sort of funny...no, a lot funny...and I went on my way thinking, oh, well, Goober strikes again!

The next day I arrive home from work and pick up the mail from the box on the porch. Here was a large white envelope from my husband again, and inside I found several pages from the internet describing two events to take place here in Richmond...two events of an entertainment nature. And attached to the website printings were tickets to each event.

So, what the hell is this? Well, here are the theories me and my friends have come up with:

1. This is a date??? Huhhhh? He hates me!

2. If I go to these events, will he have a hitman waiting for me in the bushes?

3. He just wants me to show up so he can look at me.

4. Is he about to make amends for all the nastiness he has inflicted on me for the last 6 months?

5. He wants to know what I've done with the linens.

6. He's going to give back all the stuff he has stolen from me.

7. Buggering the hell out of me is his favorite past time.

8. If I run into him, will he have me arrested for having broken his ridiculous protective order?

9. He misses me and wants to come home.

10. He wants to run me down in the parking lot.

11. OR, He is just fucking nuts!

Hey, you all, just pick one! They are all good reasons to send me tickets. Right??